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Training Our Children

The proper spiritual training of our children is a God-assigned, individual responsibility assigned primarily to fathers that cannot be abdicated to anyone else. Fatherhood inherently imposes obligations to train children – whatever is entailed in Ephesians 6:4, cannot be shifted to someone else. Sure, the mother has her part but your responsibility cannot be relinquished to her. Neither can parental responsibilities be turned over to day-care centers or substitute parents.

Proper Timing

Timing is critical in the training process. There are two different Greek words translated by our English word “time.” The Greek word chronos means a space of time that is measured, whether short or long. But the word kairos means a fixed time of limited duration and is sometimes translated by “opportunity” or “due time” (Gal. 6:10; Romans 5:6). When Paul says that we are to redeem the time, he means that we are to use the opportune time when we have it (Ephesians 5:15-16). Opportunities for training are during the youth of your children – those times neglected will never return and, once wasted, can never be repaired nor recovered. As the old timers used to say, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

Training Rules

The following five rules are necessary in properly training children:

1) patience
2) persistence in teaching
3) repetition of desired behavior
4) reinforcement of good behavior by rewards
5) removal of bad behavior by punishment

In examining human behavior, we need to understand that with a child you are not programming behavior as you would program a computer – you are training a young mind that reasons and has a will.

Responsibility Of Fathers

Paul expresses the responsibility of Fathers in training in Ephesians 6:4. First, he says, “Provoke not your children to wrath.” That can be done by unreasonable demands, harsh treatment, and too severe punishment – as with an animal, so with a child. If you are mean to an animal you will produce either an animal that is mean or one whose spirit is broken.

Then he says, “bring them up” or “nurture them” which involves tender, constant care. They are to be nurtured “in the discipline” which comes from the Greek word paideia – originally the word meant “educating” but later it took on the idea of “correcting” since correcting wrong behavior is an essential part of educating. Discipline is essential to training a child. Note Hebrews 12:5-11 – fathers chasten their sons because they love them and look to a final end. Certainly, “no chastening seemeth for the present to be joyous, but grievous.”

Then, he adds to the training process “admonition” which is the essential building block of good self-esteem and healthy attitudes. “Admonition” means “to exhort” or “encourage.” Fathers, you cannot train your children just by punishing them for wrongdoing. Every child needs a lot of “building up.” Children left to themselves – both from the standpoint of the physical absence of father and/or the neglect of training – are a shame to their mother (Proverbs 29:15).

Fathers, how much time are you spending with your children? How well are you doing as a father? A rule, but not one without exceptions, is that an adult is the proof of the training he received as a child – “Train up a child” (Proverbs 22:6). So, if fathers look at their children’s character and behavior that says a lot about how well they are doing their work. Do your children show respect to God and their elders? Are they obedient? Are they unselfish? Are they thoughtful, considerate and kind? Do they behave themselves in purity? If not, you need to straighten out some things.

Elders’ Children

Particularly, an elder’s children say a lot about his qualification, because they are the proof of his family rule (1 Timothy 3:4-5). That is true of every home. But it means in reference to men who aspire to oversight that they must rule their houses well, having their children in subjection, in order to be competent to do that work.

Conclusion

Can God say about you what he said about Abraham? — “For I know him, to the end that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of Jehovah, to do righteousness and justice