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Satan's Beatitudes

If the devil were to write his Beatitudes, they would probably go something like this (links added by Mike Riley):

• Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians —  they are my best workers.

• Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked —  I can use them.

• Blessed are the touchy. With a bit of luck, they may stop going to church —  they are my missionaries.

• Blessed are the troublemakers —  they shall be called my children.

• Blessed are the complainers —  I’m all ears to them.

• Blessed are they who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes —  for they get nothing out of his sermons.

• Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church —  for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

• Blessed are they who gossip —  for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.

• Blessed are they who are easily offended —  for they will soon get angry and quit.

• Blessed are they who do not give their offering to carry on God’s work —  for they are my helpers.

• Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister —  for he shall be with me forever.

• Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and not yourself —  I’ve got you. (source).

—Dan McKibben