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Is It Love, Or Is It Lust?

When we are dating, how can we tell if our girlfriend or boyfriend really loves us? The following are some biblical answers which may help us in that understanding, but first …..

Let’s ask ourselves, “What is true biblical love?”

Contrary to popular belief,sexual interest is not the love that is needed. The rapist has this kind of interest, but he is not at all concerned about the well-being of the individual. Dogs and cats have this same kind of interest, but they do not experience true biblical love.

True biblical love is that selfless love which causes us to want the best for another individual — seeking their best interests at heart (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV; cf. Romans 5:5-8; Philippians 2:4; see Paul’s reference to Timothy in Philippians 2:19-22).

Now let’s ask ourselves the following questions:

• “Does this individual show interest only in my body?” — If so, beware! (cf. Romans 13:14). When one with a more attractive body “comes” along, they will “go” along.

• “Does this individual try to get me to engage in activities which leave me feeling unclean or guilty?” (1 Thessalonians 5:22) — If so, there may be lust there, but certainly not love.

• “Does this individual show appreciation and respect for my parents? (Ephesians 6:2; cf. Exodus 20:12). Are they wanting to meet them and get to know them?” — Even if parents are not what they should be, they should be respected to the extent that they are not constantly put down. Anyone who is constantly criticizing parents, will more than likely criticize you. The one who shows appreciation for parents, brothers, sisters, and others, is most likely to show real love for you and to grow in that love.

• “Does this individual ever show appreciation for the kindnesses and consideration I give?” (Romans 16:3-4) — If they do not show appreciation now, they will of a certainty not show appreciation after the marriage vows are said and done.

• “Is this individual always demanding and argumentative?” (cf. Proverbs 21:19; Proverbs 27:15) — This mindset indicates that their love for you is not a lasting love.

• “Is this individual willing to talk with me about their life’s goals and values?” — If these goals or values are selfish and self-seeking, they will always put those things above you (Matthew 6:21). The best thing to do in this case is to “back away” as quickly as you can.

• “Does this individual constantly lose his temper when crossed by anyone?” — If so, he is incapable of loving in the true sense (cf. 1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV).

Young person, do not fall for the common myth that the individual who makes your flesh tingle when you are with them, and so affects you that you cannot eat or sleep, is the one you love. This kind of love is a fleeting kind of love — a love that will result in many sleepless nights, mental and physical illnesses, and more suicides than almost any other thing.

Remember this: We “fall” in lust (James 1:14-15) — we “grow” in love (Colossians 1:3-10). Love does not spend its time criticizing others or bragging on self (cf. Matthew 16:24; 1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV). Love humbly and lovingly serves (cf. John 13:1-17; Philippians 2:5-8).

Love finds its greatest fulfillment in serving others — forgetting its own problems, and being concerned about the problems of others (2 Corinthians 1:1-7). The individual who finds a partner who has the capacity to love in this way, is blest indeed.

Seek a partner in life who shows the capacity and integrity to share a selfless love (preferably a Christian – 1 Corinthians 9:5 NASB), seeking your best interest at heart. Then build on that ability within yourself, and you will most likely have a rich life filled with the greatest love of all. God has so enriched my life, by giving me thirty-three wonderful years with a faithful and loving Christian wife.

May God help you to seek and find such an individual.