Is dating a sin? – What does the Bible say?
Categories: Bible Questions and Answers Tags: Bible Lessons on Courtship, Bible Lessons on Dating, Bible Lessons on Sin
Could you go over the wrongs of dating like Willie (Franklin) did? My boyfriend says it’s stupid. Should I agree? Is dating a sin?
The information to which the question is referring was heard at the recent youth rally in Springfield at the Kansas Expressway church of Christ. Willie Franklin was the speaker and he had some good things to say regarding dating. I can’t put words into Willie Franklin’s mouth and he is going to be here for our youth rally in August, so I will let him explain his own self in this regard. However, I would like to take the opportunity to share some information from God’s word that certainly would apply to dating. So let’s look at a few things at this time.
Is Dating a Thing of the Past?
Dating as we know it today is a relatively new concept in the history of the world. In ancient times, one’s wife was often taken from his own family. Abraham’s wife, Sarah was his half-sister (Genesis 20:12). Jacob’s wives, Rachel and Leah were sisters(Genesis 24:29). Women were also treated as property and the prospective husband sometimes had to earn his wife by working for her or paying a dowry. This is the situation that we see in regard to Jacob (Genesis 21:15-30). The father of the bride was usually the one to make the decision as to who the girl could be wed and this was also the case in New Testament times as well. We read in 1 Corinthians 7:36-38 that it was the father’s decision as to whether or not the available daughter could be married. Additionally, there are some instances of marriage in the Bible where the man merely chooses his bride with no indication of the father’s consent such as Cain in Genesis 2:17. Another such example was David and Abigail (1 Samuel 25:39). Still, the decision seems chiefly to be that of the man and not of the woman. So there was not a lot of dating in the times of the Old and New Testaments. Marriages were arranged in advance or the decision was made by the father or the bride-groom and that was it.
Is Dating Even Worth it?
In today’s modern dating scene, things are much different. Much of the time, the family is taken out of the equation altogether. Men and women who meet each other today usually have not grown up with each other and do not know each other very well. There are some exceptions to this, but those who eventually become husbands and wives don’t start out in life knowing each other and usually their families don’t know each other either. This means that there has to be a period of time for the man to get to know the woman and vice versa. This is usually done today via what is called dating.
What Does The Bible Say About Dating Behavior?
The problem with dating today is that the expectation of those who go on dates is to get to know someone intimately, i.e. passionately. This usually involves kissing and hugging, and many worldlings who date often engage in petting and sexual intercourse. Let me make it clear that heavy kissing, close body contact, petting, and sexual intercourse before marriage are sinful. The Bible calls this kind of behavior lasciviousness. The basic meaning behind this word is causing sexual excitement through lack of restraint; it also involves engaging in lewd or lustful behavior. Jesus condemns this in Mark 7:22 as one of the evils that come from the heart. Paul condemns the church at Corinth for practicing this particular sin in 2 Corinthians 12:21. It is listed as one of the works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19. So engaging in heavy kissing (what Willie called “sucking face”) and intimately close body contact is sinful. Of course, petting (that is, hand to genital contact) and having sex before marriage is sinful as well.
Now let me state that there is nothing specifically wrong with hugging and kissing as long as such behavior is done in a chaste way. Romans 16:16 says salute one another with a HOLY kiss. There is a way to kiss that does not arouse sexual desires. There is a way to hug that does not arouse sexual desires. Both men and women know how to do this. It is not a great mystery. If, however, you are kissing and hugging to arouse sexual desire, then you need to put a stop to it if you are not married. Marriage is the proper place for sexual activity. Hebrews 13:4 states, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Sexual activity outside of marriage is at best putting oneself in the way of temptation and at worst sinful. Peter writes in 1 Peter 2:11 “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.” Sexual desire is certainly a lust which wars against the soul and as such those who are not married should abstain from it.
Is Dating a Sin?
Does that mean that you can’t go out on dates? Is dating a sin? No, but it does mean that you need to set some rules. So here is my advice in this regard: young men and ladies, you should let your date know that you are not interested in him or her as an object of sexual desire. You should tell your date that you have no desire to engage in heavy kissing, close bodily contact, petting or sexual relations. If your date wants to get physical in this regard then you need to instruct him or her that you are ready to go home. If you are dating another Christian, then this should not be a problem. If you are dating a non-Christian, then you as the Christian are going to have to make things clear to your date in this regard. If your date tells you that he or she is not interested in observing such rules, then the bottom line is that that person is not worthy of you as a potential mate and you need to find someone who is. If you, as a Christian, can behave appropriately on a date and not engage in sinful behavior, then dating can be fun and rewarding as you get to know other people (hopefully Christians). However, if you engage in activities that stimulate sexual desire, then dating will be a life long regret that you carry with you until the day that you die. I beg you, young people, take heed to these things. I can tell you story after story of men and women who destroyed their lives because they did not respect God’s will in this regard. Don’t do the same to your life. Young men, if you have questions in this regard, talk to any of the married or older men here. Young ladies, if you have questions in this regard, talk to any of the married or older women here. Don’t be afraid to ask questions in this regard. We love you and we don’t want you to have to learn the hard way.
Now, in regard to the question you asked, “My boyfriend says it’s stupid. Should I agree?” I would say that if your boyfriend is only interested in you to satisfy his sexual desires, then he is the one who is stupid. You are NEVER stupid when you obey God. You are wise. So my answer is that you should NOT agree with your boyfriend in this regard. Don’t let your boyfriend push you into doing something that you know is wrong. Your boyfriend is not worth your relationship with God–that comes first.
Is dating a sin? It is if sexual intimacy is part of the deal.
See also: To Date or Not to Date
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